If there’s one thing that’s clear on the tenth anniversary of Mom’s death, it’s that grief will forever live inside of me.
Grief, like any living thing, will do whatever it takes to adapt and survive.
Right now, with a 4-year-old daughter and 2-year-old son who are each balls of enthusiasm, love, and joyful curiosity, grief is manifesting itself in the form of an overriding sadness that Mom never got to meet them, and that they never got to be loved by Mom.
They would have been her world.
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Since I cannot change the circumstances of my sadness, the best remedy I can imagine is to ask as many people as possible who actually knew Mom to share something with the four grandchildren she never got to meet and with the two she loved completely.
You can share your remembrances however you want: writing, audio, video, or a Zoom interview with me – any means that might survive long enough for the next generation to appreciate the last.
The truth is that if you asked either of my kids who Judy Gaffney was, they would shrug. They know her only as, “Ghost Mom,” a phenomenon we mention when the lights flicker at an inopportune moment, or as, “Dada’s Mama, who was very nice and would have loved you.”
I plan to honor Mom in a few public-facing ways between now and the end of year to inspire memories and feelings from the loved ones she left behind.
The highlight of this remembrance season will be a Christmas Party held in Mom’s honor for anyone who knew and loved her on Sunday, December 3, 2023, which would have been Mom’s 76th birthday.
We ended Mom’s funeral by singing her favorite Christmas carol, Silent Night, and will do so again at her party either by a campfire on my front lawn overlooking the reservoir at sunset, or (weather depending) fireside in my living room gathered around the artificial Christmas tree she would’ve insisted should be real.
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The first public sharing I’ll offer is the namesake of this website, a story titled Dumpster Full of Memories, as delivered on June 18, 2017 at the Connecticut Historical Society as part of Speak Up Storytelling run by Elysha and Matthew Dicks.
The second public sharing will be the audio of Mom’s eulogy, which I will share shortly after listening to it on Tuesday, September 26, 2023, exactly 10 years after delivering it at West Avon Congregational Church.
A few days after the service our Reverend surprised me with the news that their audio system had recorded the entire service, and offered me a copy, which I have listened to periodically over the past 10 years.
It is a weird but oddly comforting thing to have, much as I hope any remembrances you share will be for my kids.
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If you want to share something about Mom with our family, please fill out this form and I will contact you by your preferred method to figure out the easiest way to record your sentiments.